and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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