I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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