She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
