she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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