So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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