There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
