He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
