listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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