I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize