Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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