Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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