when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
