I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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