I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
