he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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