we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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