chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
