You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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