this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
