its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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