my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
