If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
