Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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