Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
