i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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