dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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