Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
