its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm passing your future prison.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
