Kareoke will never be a sober sport
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
