proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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