omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize