I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
