I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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