bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
