Porn is love you can see.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
