great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
