Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I smell like Dick and happiness
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