This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
