wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
