go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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