Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
