Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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