i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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