i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
birth control should be required to get into college
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
