You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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