After last night, I could never be a politician.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
