he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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