I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
