your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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