Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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