Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
