put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
