Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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