I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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