I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
