And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
