does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have fence marks all over my body
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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