Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
