So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
