I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
