he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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