omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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