just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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