dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
