Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
