If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
