I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry about my life...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
