So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
