My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
