My nipple is on Facebook.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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