no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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