Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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